In honor of National Adoption Month: one family’s story filled with multiple adoptions and a whole lot of love

“To be honest, I don’t talk about our infertility much because adoption has been such a great thing for us. There’s just so many ways to have a baby,” Karla openly shared.

Brent and Karla King have been married for 24 years. After three years of marriage, the couple decided to start trying for a baby, but struggled with infertility issues. They had kept trying off and on, but it was emotionally and financially challenging, eventually leading to stopping all together in 2005. Karla says she’d occasionally bring up the topic of adoption to her husband, but they’d only discuss it every now and then. “Adoption just wasn’t a part of Brent’s life; he didn’t know anyone who was adopted and just wasn’t quite on board with it,” says Karla, who grew up with adoption being around her in various ways.

The Kings were living up in Alaska when their journey with adoption officially started. Brent’s job as a civilian doing base maintenance had brought them to the very rural area of Delta Junction, which is about 100 miles south of Fairbanks. It was the spring of 2009 when Karla received a Facebook message from an old coworker who knew a high school teenager who was pregnant and asked if they’d consider adopting the baby. “I was doing the dishes, holding a bowl and told Brent about it. He said SURE!” Karla recalls with a laugh. The couple had started the licensing process, but unfortunately, the North Carolina teen had lost the baby. However, they decided to finish getting licensed through an agency and pursue this new path of adoption. That path brought hope, but also some disappointment, as a couple of potentials birth mothers chose other families. Remaining in close contact with their adoption agency, the Kings remained hopeful for the news that would grow their family. 

That call came a couple of years later when Karla was driving home from work. “She said that a birth mom had chosen us to be the parents of her baby…but I don’t think I really heard what she was saying as I had gotten used to blowing it off so we wouldn’t lose hope,” admitted Karla. “But then I heard her, pulled over and just started jumping up and down!” It was then that Karla received the details that would change everything. After 16 years of being married, Brent and Karla would be bringing home their first child. 

There was a young woman in North Pole, Alaska, who would give birth to a baby boy in 6 weeks. She knew she couldn’t parent another child, as she had two already, and after seeing the King’s profile, she choose them to adopt her son.

Karla got home, shared the news with a shocked Brent, who was in disbelief, and a few days later, met the birth mother as they moved forward with an open adoption. “I was so nervous, until I met her. She is the single best person I know,” says Karla, of the birth mom who was 21 years old at the time and pregnant with her 3rd child. Through the adoption counselor, both sides discussed what an open adoption could look like. Karla said it’s rare to be counseled through that, but they went to lunch and openly talked about options. Both mothers agreed that sending photos and staying connected, along with open communication would work best. “It was clear that I trust her infinitely and she trusted me,” said Karla. Moving forward, that trust led to a strong bond, which united the two mothers. 

Grayson was born at the hospital with his birth mom’s entire family there for support, along with Brent and Karla, who had a private room, and were able to be there the entire time, as well. The King’s took their first child home with a lot of love in their heart. Not only for their new baby, but for his birth mother also. “She was strong and handled the whole thing beautifully. She came over to visit with the adoption counselor and even came to Grayson’s baptism with her youngest son,” Karla said. “My only regret through the entire experience is having to leave Alaska and move so far away from her.”

Brent’s job took the family down to Texas a few months later (in January of 2013). They only lived there for 8 months before deciding they wanted to be closer to their family. Brent then applied for a job in utilities, through Excel Energy, in Grand Rapids, Minnesota, which is where the Kings still live today.

Grayson is now 8 years old. Throughout his life, Karla says they’ve been very open with him about everything. Brent took Grayson to Alaska last summer to meet his birth mom, which it had been since he was 6 months old since having seen her in person. “His birth mom is now married and a stepmom with a lot of kids in her life now. She hasn’t told her boys about Grayson and that’s her private information; we respect that,” Karla explained. “But on our end, we talk about her and to her all the time. Grayson is very curious about it all.”

As time moved on, there were more adoption plans in the family’s future, but that also included a failed adoption, which was really hard on them. “I knew there were more kids out there, but we just had to step back for a while,” shared Karla. At the time, she was working for Health and Human Services for Itasca County. So many people brought up Foster Adoption, and though the Kings had friends who had adopted through Foster Care, they didn’t feel like it was right for them. “I felt like I’d love them too much and have to give them back,” confessed Karla.

Well, as fate would have it, an investigator for the county said they had nine babies coming in the next few months and suggested Brent and Karla get licensed for Foster to Adopt, which they’d have to do outside of the county because of Karla’s current job. 

With everything in place, they received word of a 2-year old boy who was eligible for adoption, but still had some visitation with his birth mom. Karla said point blank, “They send you the picture and you’re just done. You know he’s yours – you just know. He was the cutest little thing.”

Harrison had just turned two at the time. It was April 2016 when he came home. Karla said her mindset was that they wouldn’t do open adoption this time as Harrison had been hurt by his birth mother, but visitation rights were still in place for him to see her. “At that time, my mindset was no. We’d take Harrison to the visitation and eventually his birth mom asked to meet me. I was so hesitant,” she explained. Eventually Karla agreed, though she was fearful and didn’t know what to expect. She explained that Harrison’s birth mom was only 20 at the time with no other children and was very broken. She describes the experience as heart-wrenching. “You could see how much she had given up. She was at home, trying to recover, but the emotional toll and shame was just too much for her and she didn’t have a lot of support. I wasn’t even supporting her at that point.” When the parental rights were terminated, Brent took Harrison for his final visit with his birth mom. It was all very emotional with Brent suggesting in the end that they not cut her out of his life, even though they were unsure of how to move forward with things. Eventually, Karla asked their case worker for the birth mom’s information. They started out slow, getting to know one another and going out for lunch and having conversations. With Harrison now 6 years old, Karla describes the relationship today as a work in progress. With her also living nearby, they want to keep the relationship with her open, but they’ve had to take a break from it when things get unhealthy, as she has relapsed a few times. “She wants to see Harrison, but will admit when she doesn’t think she should. To us, she’s almost like another child. We love her so much and just try to support her. In return, she’s been understanding and respectful of us, too,” Karla shared.

With their two boys home and Karla now being a stay at home mom with the family in full swing, April 2017 would bring more news. It should be noted that April is a HUGE month for the Kings. With hearing about Grayson and Harrison both in the months of April – April of 2017 came around and brought another call. A 2-year old little girl had been in the system for a while and was moving towards TPR (Termination of Parental Rights). Brent and Karla received a picture and instantly knew that she was theirs. “Brent was head over heels. He had never verbalized before that he wanted a daughter, but yeah, we had to snatch her right up,” she laughed.

Enter the beautiful little girl named Anniston “Annie”, who is now just about 6 years old. Getting their little girl wasn’t an easy road, though. In fact, it came with a lot of pain and heartache. Annie came home to the King family on May 1st in a snow storm. It took 1.5 years and so much pain, Karla shared. “She was with us from May until August 21st and ended up leaving us. We fell head over heels in love with her and she was a perfect part of our family, but her birth mom was doing her part and she got to have her back. We were all in so much pain, but Harrison mourned her and missed her more than anyone.” In this situation, Karla explained that Annie’s birth mother has cognitive delays. She never hurt Annie, but left her in situations where she would get hurt. She went on, “Not only was she loved so deeply by her mom, but Annie loved her mom so deeply, but she messed up and we got Annie back. That bond is still there between the two of them, though. It’s a beautiful relationship still to this day.”

Annie’s birth mom is 26 years old now. Karla describes their relationship as a really hard situation. “Cynthia is her name. She has moved away now, but she fought hard for Annie. She loved her well, but it was just too hard. Part of our agreement to save her the heartache of going through a trial, was promising her visitation for a longer period of time, helping her transition through the TPR. Today, she’s working and checks in with us all the time. She calls Annie on important days and we’ve gotten together with that side of the family, meeting aunts and cousins – it goes good. She acts more natural with Cynthia than she does with me, even today, but I think it’s beautiful and that bond is only natural. It’s really come full circle with Cynthia, who is now so respectful of everything.”

As for the open adoptions with all three of their children, Brent and Karla talk about it a lot and encourage their kids to ask questions, which come more frequently as they get older in age. Karla said that has now brought up the topic of their birth fathers. Though they have the information on Grayson’s birth father, he has requested a closed adoption. Harrison knows his biological father now and met him for the very first time at his birthday party. “His birth dad came with his birth mom to the party and it was just really cool – a cool interaction to see with my husband and just everyone,” Karla said. Since then, they’ve had that side of the family out for a BBQ and they’ll join them for the holidays. Karla says she remembers being so scared of this type of thing, but now just lets it go, saying it can be so beautiful. 

As for Annie’s birth father, Karla shared a heartwarming story. “Annie wanted to know what her birth father looked like, so I texted her birth mom for a picture. Annie is very light-skinned. She was listed on all of our paper work as white and she is my whitest, lightest child with blue eyes,” Karla laughed. “Her birth mom told me she was biracial, which we didn’t necessarily believe, but we got a picture of a man with very dark skin. We decided to do an Ancestry kit because we just didn’t believe that this was her birth father. Come to find out, Annie is, indeed, biracial with some Nigerian/Congo results showing up on the test. At that point, we showed Annie the photo of her birth father and it was the sweetest thing ever. She looked at the picture and said, “He looks just like me!” 

Annie hasn’t met her birth father yet. He currently lives in Chicago. Any contact will be initiated through the birth mom, but not until Annie is older.

Right now, the King children are 8, 6 and just about 6 years old. All three are officially adopted with a 1-year old half-sister of Harrison’s being a part of the family through Foster Respite Care. Karla said the baby first came into their care with plans for adoption and was with them for 3 months last summer, but is now on Respite Care, which is short-term care, as needed. The little girl lives with her and Harrison’s birth mother right now. “Harrison asks great questions about it all and we answer them as honestly and candidly as we can. He enjoys the relationship and gets excited to see her when she comes,” said Karla. 

Those candid and open conversations will stay a part of their life. “Adoption, Foster Care, trauma…it looks different for every child. Everyone’s situation is different and it’s important to us that we talk about it,” Karla stated. 

She concluded, “For us, this experience has enriched our lives in so many ways. All anyone wants to be is loved. And seeing our kids be loved from all areas of their life – it’s just so beautiful.”

Brent is still working in the utilities field and Karla now works at home for NACAC (North American Council on Adoption Children.) She also writes for adoption.com 

Having started an Adoption Support Group in Grand Rapids, Karla now made a career out of it, representing the northwest corner of Minnesota as a Parent Support Specialist. She works around her kids’ schedules, feels passionate and fulfilled and supports other parents in the process of adoption. She welcomes a visit with anyone interested in learning more about this path, or those currently on it. You can email karlaking@nacac.org or call 651-350-3606. 

Minnesota Foster to Adopt

Last year, Minnesotans adopted 1,221 children from the foster care system. Currently, of the 733 children still without permanent homes:

• 65% have special needs, including physical, mental, emotional or behavioral disabilities

• 57% are siblings who need to be adopted together

• 46% are 12 to 18 years old, 28% are 6 to 11 and 26% are under 6

• 36% are white, 31% are Black/African American, 6% are American Indian, 1% are Asian/Pacific Islander, 25% are two or more races and 1% are unknown/declined to identify.

“All children need safe, nurturing, permanent families to thrive,” said MN Department of Human Services Commissioner Jodi Harpstead. “With November being National Adoption Month, we celebrate families created through adoption and encourage others to consider adopting children from the foster care system. We always need more loving families to nurture, care for and welcome children into their forever homes.”

The Minnesota Department of Human Services and MN Adopt has more information available at www.mnadopt.org or mn.gov/dhs.