Hospice Volunteer Kathy Kehoe shares insights and memories about the work done on patients’ behalf

 

One of the highlights of Kathy Kehoe's life has been her experience of working with Hospice patients in Clearwater County, which she did for nine years, and still volunteers when she is available. 

Kathy believes there is not enough community knowledge about Hospice care and would like there to be more awareness about this service that is available for the later stages of life for patients. It is a time when the family needs extra help.

“A lot of people don't have an inkling what Hospice care is all about,” Kathy says.

“The nursing staff attends to the physical and personal needs of the patient, while the Hospice care volunteer has a part in their mental needs, or just be a consoling presence alongside them. It is a very spiritual thing to tend to their needs,” Kathy says. 

This service is presented  in order for the family members to have a respite from the demands they are facing when caring for a patient. It involves volunteers who come in to be with the patient so that the family can have a break, do errands, or just get some rest. 

Hospice is arranged by the doctor, and he/she will say when it is time that a patient should sign up for it. One can go through Nursing Service which is often involved in care of terminally ill patients for a long time, and the doctor sets it up. But the patient can revoke Hospice care if they choose to or have changed their mind. 

“When you walk into a new family, we often come in as complete strangers,” Kathy explains. “And you don't know what kind of a home you are coming into. But then we often get very close to the family and patient. It is sad too, because you get to meet some of the greatest people, when it is late in their life.”

“A closeness develops after you have been there. The patient has a tendency to open up to us. In my eyes, they may be 'ready to go', and tell a volunteer that, but not tell the family their true feelings, as the family often does not want them to go.” 

Kathy says you learn what the likes and dislikes of the patient are. She starts with small talk as you would with any conversation in order to get to know who they are, and how to talk to them. She has developed an intuition in dealing with her clients. 

“It can be challenging to get them to trust you. Sometimes you might read to them or talk about old memories. One volunteer sings to them if they want that. Or you just keep them company,” Kathy says. As a volunteer I have learned so much.” 

One of the first patients to go into Hospice care was her client for 16 years, first in Home Health Care. They became very close, and Kathy needed her own time to say goodbye and pray together. 

“Sometimes the family may be talking about things that you don't think is good for the patient to hear.” 

Separation anxiety can be difficult, and each person handles grief in their own way. Some don't want to talk about the loved one at all after their death, but others need to share the memories and want to talk about them. It is important to respect the differences. 

“They are so much more prepared than we are. They teach us to be stronger.” 

She says sometimes it takes a while for reality to sink in after the death, especially of a spouse, that they aren't there any more when you come home. Then there is a need for support from others. 

Kathy's neighbor Harvey Bergquist was one of Kathy's patients. His wife Elinor is a close friend of Kathy's, and she was called to do Hospice care for Harvey. Since Harvey knew Kathy he was very happy to have her come as a volunteer. 

“I really appreciated having Kathy come, and sit with him. It gave me time to have a break from being there,” Elinor says, who was listening in on the interview with Kathy. “When he died, it was just before hunting season, and the hunters all came and got to visit with him.” 

“Then my son said, 'Dad, just let go.' And he did.”

Kathy says sometimes the patient just needs permission from the family that it is okay if they do go. 

“The patient is more accepting. The ones left behind want them to stay, until they see what pain they are in. But when they see the suffering, then they change.”

“One of my patients loved to dance and wanted polka music at his funeral service. He wondered if that would be okay. Though near the end of his life he still joked, 'You might hear toe-tapping in my coffin.'”

Hospice volunteers do not receive pay, but there are still papers to sign, forms to fill out, and be turned in to Nursing Service. Confidentiality is very important. 

“Hospice volunteers are not paid in money, but you are paid in a special 'heart' way,” Kathy reflects. “The comfort you give, knowing you helped someone, that is the heart and soul of it. It just feels good to help somebody.” 

“To me, I never thought of this as a job. Coming from a big family, you learn to help out a neighbor when they need it. That is just how it was.” 

Before volunteering as a Hospice caregiver, Kathy worked as a Home Health Aide for 30 years in Clearwater County. 

She grew up in Graceville, Minnesota near Morris. 

“Flat land,” she calls it. “Now we're known as 'The People in the Pines' because there are so many trees. It is so different here.” 

Kathy and her husband Ken live south of Shevlin They have two sons, and three grandchildren ages 13, 12 and 10. They like camping and fishing on Gull Lake, being with family and friends there and enjoying retirement.

“We enjoy life up here.” 

She moved to Minneapolis as a young girl and worked as a nanny. Then she had her own day care for twenty years. 

One of her Hospice patients scolded her for giving up caring for children to “Take care of us old people.” But Kathy said, “It is just the same, but at the other end of life.” 

“Hospice has been rewarding. I have met so many special people.”